Hey Matty
by Pomodoro Crisi
Summary: Mello and Matt write notes to each other before kidnapping Takada. Lots of fluff and a bit of OOC for Mello but it's supposed to be that way
1. Hey Matty

**So I was reading a great SasuNaru fic on Deviantart last night and decided I wanted to write this little whatever it is. I think I'm gonna make it longer since I was half asleep typing this. And there'll be a Matt chapter later on too! Now read and feel the OOCness of Mello!**

Hey Matty.

Yeah I know I don't do this…well, ever, but I just feel like I have to this time. I have so much stuff in my head I need to get some out so new stuff can pile on in and take its place. I really hate it when that happens, don't you?

Well, we're kidnapping Takada tomorrow. Scary huh? Are you worried? Pfft, of course you're not. You never show more emotion than necessary and fear definitely isn't necessary, or wanted, right now. OK, so I want you to be scared, but that's not exactly the point. I want you to be scared though; not for me, for you. I want to be afraid that you're going to die so you'll stay here and let me handle this on my own. There's no one in this world I want to keep alive more than I want you to live right now. You really are the most important person in my life, you know.

I know I never say it, never want to say it. I feel like if I say it out loud, you'll freak out at me and I'll never see you again. Plus affection isn't my forte. But you've always known that. If you didn't I don't think we'd get along as well as we do. You can see the little things that mean more with me, just like I know you're always listening even if your eyes are clued to that box of circuits I want to blow up sometimes.

God, I can tell right now this is gonna be a sappy…_thing_ when I'm done with it. Well, I can give myself this one day to be emotional since we both know it'll most likely be our last. I don't want it to be…I want to spend endless days with you. Hugging you, kissing you, making you squirm and moan beneath me. We just don't have that freedom at the moment. If this works without us dieing I promise we'll forget all inferiority complexes and Kiras and even Near and move somewhere we can just be us. I'm thinking San Francisco or New York, they seem pretty alright for American cities. We'll have all the video games, chocolate and cigs we could ever want and we'll be happy, just you and me.

I'm sorry. I wanna say that now since I don't think I'll be able to say it any other time. I'm sorry that I have you risking your life for someone as insignificant and insubstantial as myself. And don't even think of giving me some stupid spiel about how I'm not insignificant if I'm fighting to stop Kira, 'cause if you do, I swear I'll find you and kick you in the balls. Don't ask me how I'll know; we have that telepathy thing OK? I'm sorry you're gonna die. I don't want you to. I really just don't. But I don't have the strength to go through with this without knowing I have you backing me up. Jesus Christ am I selfish. I'm willing to risk _you_ just to kick Near's ass at something that really is nothing more than a game.

I can hear you talking in your sleep. Did you know you did that by the way? I usually stay up late just to hear what you say. It's always something different, but always about two things too. Me, you, and some video game or other. I think you're always rescuing me from something, too. Once it was actually that nasty looking thing from those dorky Lord of the Rings movies; you know the one that always spoke about his precious or whatever? That was funny. I almost threw up I was laughing so hard. And you never even woke up, too lost in your own head to notice anything else in the world. I'm glad you weren't with me in the Mafia like that. You'd have been killed in your sleep love.

Ugh that just gave me the most disgusting feeling I've ever experienced. And that's saying something.

I'm going to miss hearing you talk in your sleep. It's my favorite thing to do when I can't sleep. I'll miss your hair too. I'm still not sure it's natural and I've known you for so long it's ridiculous; it's just so…vibrant. Just like the rest of you. I wish I could have watched you grow into the wonderful, stunning person I'm looking at now. It would have been interesting, I'm sure. Then again, maybe if I'd been there to watch it, you'd be different. I'd still love you beyond words, but you wouldn't be this…willing to sacrifice yourself. At least I would hope not, there would be no need if I had just stayed with you.

You remember that time we got some C4 and blew up that little part of the forest at Wammy's just so we could play games there? I think Roger almost killed us that day. I don't know why I'm thinking about that now of all times, but it reminded me of how I blew up that base in Los Angeles. You saved me then. I thought I was going to die. You've probably saved me more times than I know of. I bet you know though, you always do. I don't get how you can not do anything and still have been third at Wammy's. Hell, if you had done anything you'd have been first and than I'd be where you are now. Though I'd follow you willingly if you had been number one instead of Near. I wonder if Roger would have suggested you and Near work together like he did for us. I guess we'll never know, will we?

Well, I need to end this thing before I end up saying something stupid that'll bother me throughout the entire plan. I'm sure you'll be in the forefront of my mind anyway, but why add fuel to the fire?

I know I never really said it Matty-boy but I love you more than anything. If you had asked I would have given up fighting Near for you. You never would, but I would have done it happily if it meant a perfect life with you. I love you so much it hurts to be away from you for more than a few hours and even those are torturous at best.

Promise you won't cry when I die. I know it's asking a lot, but please don't. I'll haunt your ass forever if you do, don't think I won't.

I promise things will be better for you when I'm gone. It'll hurt for a while but you'll live. You're strong, I know you are. You're the strongest person I've ever met. You better remember me though. And you better put chocolate on my grave once a month. Maybe twice…I get hungry you know.

Heh yeah, I'm a bit out of it right now.

I really love you Matty-boy, from the bottom of my heart I do. I'll be watching you from wherever it is I'm going when I die, so be good OK?

Mello

P.S.: I know you think it's stupid, but I'll be praying for you to live tomorrow. It's the least I can do since you refuse to listen to reason. Maybe if you live you'll reconsider religion. Heh, I can dream can't I?

**Yup totally OOC! But I thought it was cute... Tell me what you think should be changed/added, mk? And ideas for the Matt chapter? I promise to give credit to anyone who shares ideas! Now hit that review button! Hit it hard!**


	2. Hey Mells

**Well, here it is! sadness galore. I think anyway... I'm not sure if I like this one as much... I was half asleep and watching Criminal Minds while writing it lol. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! It made me so happy! I hope I don't disappoint any of you.**

Hey Mells.

Yeah you're gonna call me a soft tart for this, but I don't give a fuck right now. This might be the last time I get to tell you anything and I don't intent to waste it. I want to let you know I love you. I know, I know, you know that already, but this is important to me so don't scoff at like I know you will. You're so predictable. I bet you're rolling your eyes right now. You are, aren't you? Hmm, good to see I know you well enough by now.

I know you don't want me to be in on the kidnapping tomorrow, but I need to be there. Not for some stupid complex like you – one I never really understood by the way – but because if I go there is a better chance for you to come out alive. Yup, I'm sacrificing myself for you. Fucking weird huh? But I think it's the most useful I've ever been so I can't bring myself to reconsider it. Besides, what's the point of living if you're not there to live with me? It'd be damn boring it would. Who else would sit there and deal with my obsessive gaming and chain smoking? Not anyone sane I'll tell you that. And insanity doesn't quite work for anyone but you, not in my eyes anyway.

Please don't get all pissed when you read that. And don't tell me that I have been useful because I really don't feel like I have and nothing you say can change that. Crap, that'll make you mad too… It's just I've always been in yours and Near's shadow, and don't get me wrong I don't mind, I just want people to remember me for something more than agoraphobia and kick ass video games. Yeah those are alright things, but if I'm remembered for trying to save the life of someone I loved more than those video games…I'd just feel better about myself in the end. Heh, stupid right? But I'm still not changing my mind. You'd have to tie me to the damn couch or something to keep me here, which will kill me eventually since you wouldn't come back to get me out.

Shit, that made me sad. I almost fucking started crying; damn you for making me love you like that.

Why the hell do you need to shoot things every time you get mad? I liked that microwave, you know. It would've made a good bomb given the chance, could've been useful for tomorrow actually. Ah well, you'll never change and that's just the way I like you.

Remember when you shot Near's Transformer with a bee-bee gun? I thought Roger was going to kill you for that. How the hell did you get it to shoot real bullets anyway? And where'd you get them in the first place? They don't exactly deliver those things to orphanages. It was pretty cool though. I guess I should have seen the Mafia in your future after that. Anything that gave you leverage would always end up in our room. Guns, that C4, and those golf clubs – that was a messed up fucking way to kill a Lego tower you know. It was fucking awesome, but just a bit insane.

No one could do insane like you, Mells. I think you were the original that others got their insanity from you and the ones before you were only called insane because you weren't born yet. Jeez that makes me sound fucked up doesn't it? I bet you laugh at that, you always laughed at the strangest things. I'm gonna miss that.

Where do you think you go when you die? I know, I know, you have that whole "heaven versus hell" thing, but what about me? I don't exactly think God is the bee's knees, and that's putting it lightly. I hope it's somewhere nice, somewhere I can see you still. I'll be watching you, you know? The second I'm gone, I'll follow you and keep you safe then too. I promise I'll keep you alive as long as I can. You can't die until you beat Near otherwise you'll just be a pain in the ass in the afterlife. As much as I love you I think I'd like a quieter Mello in death, not mute, just more calm.

Sigh, did you have to break the coffee table too? It's not that hard to walk to the store to get some more chocolate. Even less time if you use the bike love. I'll be here when you get back; I'll even give you a big kiss just for taking care of your cravings yourself this time.

I'm gonna miss your hair too. I love that stuff; it's like sunshine, even at night. It doesn't seem as girly on you despite how much I teased you about it. And that leather. I never did ask you about that. You never wore it before you left Wammy's, why after? I know it makes you hot as holy hell and it may do a bit it way of making you more intimidating, but really? Leather? In Los Angeles? How are you not dead of heat stroke? And when you got caught in that explosion, I'm amazed it wasn't melted to you're damn skin. You're lucky for that.

God that was awful. I almost lost it when you called me to help you. I thought I was going to lose you again. I couldn't take you to a hospital and we both know my medical skills are shit. I was so scared I was gonna end up skewing up and you were gonna die I almost started crying. Fucking pussy, right? But that was the scariest fucking moment of my life. Well, so far. I bet there's tons more to come.

Look, I don't know how tomorrow is going to play out. We might both get through fine, and we might not. But I don't want you to stop if you hear anything about me getting hurt. You finish your job and then worry about me. I don't care if you have to physically hurt yourself to keep your head on what needs to be done, you do it. I'm not more important than catching Kira, my life isn't worth thousands. No one's life is worth that much, as much as I like to think yours is. Just be careful and watch yourself. There's a good chance she'll try and trick you, all women are like that. Good thing we chose each other huh?

Could you imagine if we fell for some chick? We'd be ready to shoot her once a month. I don't think you'd have any money with all the chocolate you'd need to buy. And like hell I'd ever turn off a game just because someone was bleeding in some non-lethal way. Unless it was you of course.

Ah, you're laughing. I love that sound. It's like bells you know, but only when you really mean it, when there's humor in it. I think I'm one of the few people in the world who can still make you laugh like that. You used to laugh like that all the time at Wammy's, the world used to laugh like that. But things changed you, changed everyone. Still, it's good to see you can still laugh, even if it is a rare thing. I'm glad I can remember it tomorrow.

I'll be thinking about you the entire time. From the second we leave to the second I get in the door to see you snapping off chocolate. I bet you'll ask me why I'm so late, even though I've never once been late my whole life. Not for you. I got this stuff to celebrate. I'm not gonna tell you what it is now, but its chocolate flavored. I got some strawberry too, just to spice things up a bit. I bet that gutter of an imagination of yours is working overtime now. I promise to show you the second I get back. Hell, I'll be lucky to get through the door. I'm gonna rush right home to see you and I'll smother you with hugs and kisses until you threaten to shoot me. And then we'll be alright. Near will finish with Kira and we'll be free to live the way we want. I wanna go to New York; they have the best games there. And that fucking Toy's R Us is just amazing. We might get kicked out the first five seconds but it's worth the trip. And they have snow there and a park big enough we can have some privacy.

I wonder if you still look the same in the snow, what with the scar and all. You looked like an angel back in Wammy's. A perfect, genius angel. I missed that. I never liked going outside, but the snow was something else. It made the outside magical, like Zelda or Final Fantasy, and you looked so radiant and beautiful out there I couldn't sit inside and not want to be out there with you. Now I bet you still look that way. The scar probably makes you more beautiful, it _does_ make you more beautiful. It makes you dangerous and it makes you unique. It's just proof that you are willing to use whatever means necessary to reach your goals. Its proof you're alive. So stop hiding it, OK love?

I think I'll end this here, if I don't I'm sure it'll be hundreds of pages and then you'll never finish in time to leave tomorrow.

I love you Mells, more than life. I hope we get to see each other again soon. I don't mind if it's in this crappy apartment or in some messed up afterlife, I just want us to be together. I promise I'll keep you safe, maybe not for long, but I'll try. Please remember what I said about concentrating on the plan if I die. It's more important in the long run, honestly.

I'm sorry we don't have more time, but I'll make it up to you later. I don't know how or when exactly, but I will.

Love you.

Matt

**Ah I wish i could make them not die! I really really do! But i don't own Death Note so I can't change it. I think I'm going to add another chapter, but i don't know what it'll be like yet. **


	3. Matty

**Yup! I'm back to infect your inboxes! I felt like adding more and I'm so sorry but I had to make them die :'( It just didn't work to me if they didn't. I might make another that keeps them alive though. I don't know. I have a lot that I'm neglecting at the moment - like my giant research paper... Anyway! Please don't cry if this sucks. **

I did what you said Matty. I kept going, even when I saw that you were gone. I never knew someone had that much blood, but then again you were always so warm. I guess that was why huh? It was so hard to keep the truck moving though. I wanted to turn around and run back to you. Takada could go and burn in hell, you were, are, more important than she will ever be. I wish I had though, if I had…maybe I could have done something. I'm so sorry I let you die. I tried; I really thought this would work. You were supposed to live, you were supposed to get back to the apartment and go on with your life. I don't care how hard it was, you weren't meant to die for me. I'm so, so sorry.

Ah, I think I'm dieing now too. My heart hurts and my eyes, I can't get them to stop the tears flowing down my cheeks now. I want to stop; I want to turn around again. Takada can stay here in the truck alone. I need to get to you. They're just leaving you there, in the street. Don't they understand how precious you are!? You don't belong in such a horrible place! You belong on a soft bed, somewhere nice so you can get to heaven happily. I hope that's where you went anyway. Out of the two of us, you deserve it more. You haven't killed, haven't hurt the people I have. You're going to go somewhere nice. I bet you think it's hell because I won't be there. But they'll have games and cigarettes and goggle stores so you can have a million pairs of those dorky things you love so much.

God what the fuck am I saying? You're gone and I'm thinking about you're goggles! This isn't fair! We were supposed to get out alive. We could have gone to New York like you wanted, like I wanted to. Ugh, this is just awful. I'm so sorry…

It's all Kira's fault. If it wasn't for him we'd be fine. A bit fucked up sure, but we'd be happy and you…you wouldn't be dead. God I can't even think of anything but the fact that you're dead Matty. I can't see the road anymore, I don't really want to either. If I crash…then maybe I'll be with you again. We could be somewhere just for us. I don't think we're going to get that just yet though. It'll take a while; I have to finish this first so wait for me OK? I know I don't really have the right to ask that of you anymore, and I wouldn't be surprised if you ignored that and just went along you're way, but I hope you wait for me. Please Matty? Just wait this one last time and then I promise everything will be alright. Well, it won't exactly be alright, but it'll be better than it is now.

I'm sorry Matty, really I am, but once this is over I need to end this. If it hurts this much now I don't want to think how awful things will be in a year or two. I won't be able to go anywhere without thinking about you and I don't think I'll be able to deal with it knowing I was the one who got you killed. Damn, that's fucking fruity as hell. Fuck it I don't care anymore. I just can't live with myself knowing I hurt you to this extent. I know what you'd say, but I just can't Matty. I can't and I won't.

Oh fuck. She tricked me Matt. The fucking skank tricked me. Even after you warned me, she still did something. I knew I should have made he strip in front of me. Gross, but it would have stopped _this_.

Sadly, it's not that bad though. It saves me the trouble. And I remember that suicide means you go to hell, not that I need any help getting there. I hope you're waiting; I really don't want to go through this crap all alone. Please be waiting Matty. I'm…scared. For the first time in I don't even know how long I'm absolutely terrified. I don't know where I'm going, and sure, that never stopped me before, but this is so final. If I don't go somewhere I like I can't just leave this time.

Oh! There you are. I can see your hair, those dumb goggles that I wouldn't put up with for anyone but you sitting right where they always are. I'm glad. I love seeing your eyes when you're happy like this. Wait…does this mean I get to stay with you? I swear if God is fucking with me on this I'll march my ass to him and beat the crap out of his holy ass. I don't think he could be that cruel though, do you?

Heh, your eyes are the same acid green they've always been. The rest of you…it's washed out and dull, but those eyes, I can still see the life in them. I'm so glad. Do I look different too? Who cares anyway?

Death is kind of peaceful Matty. Well, with you here to help it is anyway. I'm sure the rest of me – or what used to be me? I don't know which. – is really messed up. I was still driving you know. And I'm sure Takada took my phone to call Kira. I bet he kills her, I would. Fucking bitch deserves it.

I'm so glad I get to be with you Matty. We'll be together forever you know? I hope you're OK with that. Hmm, I can't wait to spend forever with you.

Hey Matty?

I love you.

**Sorry it was short I tried to draw it out, but it got really crappy so I left it like this. Reviews please?**


	4. I did it Mells

**ugh it's so short. But I really wanted to get something up and finish this. I needed to relax I guess. Sorry if it's suckish. I'll fix it up when i get the time I promise. I'm drowning in homework at the moment. **

I did it Mells.

I know I fucked up in the very end, but I kept you safe and that's what's important. Well, to me anyway and you know I'm stubborn. I didn't think they would actually shoot me though. And since when have the Japanese been able to carry guns like that? Isn't it illegal, bodyguards or no? Ah, I guess it doesn't matter much now.

I saw you before I died. Well, it wasn't really you but you get the idea right? You brought me to where I am now. I don't like it here though; it's far too empty for me. I hope you don't end up here though; you need to live to beat Near right? And you promised you'd die naturally, or until someone gets sick of your chocolate PMS and kicks your ass here. I'd like to see that.

Did you know that I can see everything that happens from here? It's like T.V., only there's only one channel. It's the only one I care about though. It's all you. Everything you're doing. Did you know that there are numbers over your head? I'm not sure exactly what they represent but they're close to zero now. I think it means something important will happen. Maybe they count down to when Near gets his ass handed to him and you do your victory dance. Which I'm sure everyone waiting at the Yellow Box would love to see.

I miss you Mells. It's lonely here. I can't stand how lonely it is here. I want you to be here, but I don't want you to be dead at the same time. You can't die. You have too much you need to do. Like eat the chocolate that's yet to be made. I'm sure it'll be great. And you'll be the first in line to get a lifetime's supply of it. But I want you here at the same time. It's not fair that I can see you and I can't even tell you how much I love you. I do though, so much more now than I ever have before. What's that saying? "Time makes the heart grow fonder?" Well if that's true I'm living proof. Okay, no longer living but you get the idea right? I want to be with you now more than ever. I can see you but I can't touch you, can't talk to you. I'm sure anyone who died would be happy with just that so why the hell can't I deal with it? I need to be with you in order to feel anything anymore. Ugh! God damnit! Mello you need to be up here. Forget what I said earlier. I need you with me forever. I need the only person that I love in this fucked up excuse for a world. I need you to forget Near and Kira and everyone else except for me because that's what I did for you. I want you to see that you're my entire world and nothing, especially something as stupid and cliché as death is going to get in the way of that. I'm going to sit here and watch you and steadily got crazy until you get here.

And what if you don't come here? What if you happen to go somewhere else and I'm alone forever and not able to see you? God how do I live like that? I can barely stand it when I'm not in your direct line of sight at all times. If you were out of mine forever…I'd have to kill myself. And it'll be kind of tricky from here.

Fuck Mello why did we do this? I don't regret postponing your life, not in the least, but how do I go on living like this? And what about you? Will you be able to handle life without me? Okay stupid question. But what if you blow yourself up again? Who could help you with me gone?

Shit. You didn't listen to me did you? You didn't check every tiny spot on that _woman's_ body. She's killing you. She's writing your damn name down right this second and you have no idea. God I hate this. This isn't the way you're meant to go and you know it. You should have been more careful, Mells.

But I shouldn't complain right? You'll be sent here won't you? I'll be able to kiss you and hug you and you'll be here and we'll be together. Right?

This is painful. I can see you dieing and I can see your pain and I want to stop it and I can't. I couldn't if I were there but here it's magnified by I don't even want to think how much. Mello I hope you end up here.

I promise things will be better here. I love you so much it's suffocating me. Or maybe that's just you hugging me as if I were a lifeline. I knew you would be here. I knew we would be together.

Where there's Mello, there's Matt. Where there's Matt, there's Mello. It's just a fact of life. A fact that I'm glad exists.

Hey Mells?

Welcome to forever.


End file.
